It seems to not really matter whether you lost your marriage partner unexpectedly or following a long illness. Your life partner died. Unbelievably and without precise memory, you have taken care of all the required duties and finally reached this plateau of loneliness iced over by admittedly some resentment of the one who abandoned you to sit alone with your memories for two.
Time to Move Again, Breathe Again
You realize you don’t know how to date any more and need a refresher:
10. Don’t make any serious life changes to home or funds for at least 6 months. That is the magical number for coming out of grief and into competence. Most widows and widowers are ready to socialize and date occasionally after the magical universal time of 6 months to one year after losing a spouse. Breathe deeply, and begin again.
9. How do you begin again? Dating a friend of a friend is a good step into the dating pool as a temporary interest and experiment, you tell yourself.
8. Join singles groups at church, synagogue, library or civic center, as a rite of passage that you need to segue from alone to dating. This is where it is socially right and even beneficial to talk about your current status and how it happened. Vent in the group, not with a hapless date. It is a repellent.
7. If at a loss for words, read up on matters of interest and become an avid newspaper or online news reader. Learn to laugh until your sides hurt again.
6. Don’t have a “meet the kids” date until you are certain this is a relationship that you would like to last more than a few months. It is easier on everyone – the kids, the date, and yourself to let the family meeting idle for a while.
5. If you join an online dating service, choose it wisely and well. Chat often before jumping into a date, and then in a public place or restaurant. Keep it simple.
4. Do lighthearted things together and if intimacy occurs, let it be on your terms, unplanned yet protected. This is a fulfillment of yourself as a person after your spouse has gone.
3. Do not put unrealistic emphasis on dating. Let dating be the journey to your destination. If you find yourself wanting more from it than your partner, learn to satisfy yourself in whatever realm you still feel alone: intellectually, spiritually, companionship or physically.. If never before, invest in a vibrator, as this is 2015.
2. Once you have met the other person’s family, have occasional family events around holidays. It is familiar with what you had with your marriage without putting a needy demand upon your new friend.
1. Don’t be needy. Be someone you would like to date and spend time with, yourself.
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