Dating Again is Not Like Riding a Bicycle
Dating is a welcome diversion and extremely stressful at the same time, due to the many cultures and attitudes concerning dating you have to navigate. For a single parent, either mother or father, returning to the dating scene can be an emotional ride similar to the amusement park frights. No matter how long it has been since you dated, nor whether you are divorced, widowed or never wed, the larger rules of participation remain the same, but not the hunt itself. When hoping to meet someone you’d be interested in dating, don’t frequent the bars or nightclubs of your past. Remember the adage for finding a home is location, location, location.
Be Up Front About Family but Delay Introductions
Never acquire the attitude that a new date partner does not need to know of your family unless you become serious. Be up front about your family and inquire about theirs.
However, do not invite every person you date to meet your children. No matter their age or gender, your children can understand that you are going out with “friends” without needing to be pushed into the “Uncle Dan” or “Aunt Mary” conundrum used so much in the past generations. It is best to avoid confusing children with a parade of people to observe and judge with juvenile audacity until you are in a relationship with high promise of going the distance.
Once you have reached a comfortable stage with a particular person, include your children on a family outing. If he or she has children as well, make it a blended family type outing, but don’t get your hopes too high for a Brady family experience. The first encounters usually are like slipping your foot into water to test it, but can become relaxed with repetition. Observe parenting skills and behaviors that are forbidden by your dating partner relating to play, diet, language and attitudes and determine if that is compatible with your own or an issue.
When Time is Right, Become a Joint Effort
Dating as a single parent need not always be about the children, even though they will influence every major decision you make. Everyone involved has a valid need that needs attending, and you and your dating partner can test your ability to work together as a unit during a growth period. Maintain a sense of humor with your children as well as any partner to help everyone over the bumps in the relationship road.
Even the most precious child can become precocious when they encounter a rival for their parent’s time and affection. Win this child over with honesty and consideration, and remember even a three year old can spot a fake.
Do not bribe or ridicule children or develop matching jealousy.
Social mores guiding behavior in a family setting or privately are looser than those with which you were raised, but you can still cultivate sexuality within your relationship that is within your religious beliefs. Keep self-respect for yourself and respect for your dating partner paramount and you will both arrive safely.
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